WHAT’S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT?
What’s love got to do with coaching yourself to better health?
Well actually quite a lot. Firstly having just a little bit more love for yourself can make a huge difference when it comes to being able to summon up enough energy to actually make a change. And then there is the love you have for your family and friends, how will your willingness to change, or perhaps your decision to stay the same affect your ability to show your love and care for the people closest to you?
I believe that ultimately we are all connected and we all need to give and receive love to be truly healthy. Experiencing love for ourselves and others is fundamental to living a life of high quality wellness and the extent to which you are able to love and care for yourself will be felt not only by your family but by the wider community around you too.
Look back to your answers in the Chain of Consequences activity and consider what might happen if you don’t have enough self-love to keep yourself in the best of health. How will that decision radiate out into your family and the wider community?
Of course, the opposite of love is fear and fear is probably one of the strongest forces that will hold you back. But recognising how that affects you isn’t always that easy. Here are just a few of the more commonly held fear-based beliefs that can hold you back. Perhaps you can recognise some aspects of yourself here, or maybe add some more examples of your own.
FEAR OF FAILURE
This is probably top of the list for most people. Think about it, how often have you simply decided not to even try in case you failed? I can think of lots of my own examples and I’m sure that you could come up with a few examples of your own too. Yet to avoid the risk of failure is also to avoid the opportunity to learn, and without learning it becomes much harder to grow and progress.
FEAR OF SUCCESS
This tends to be quite a bit harder to spot and even harder to admit, but it can still cut across your will to succeed, so it’s well worth being aware of. Success usually brings some measure of change along with it and the challenge of newness and the unknown can be very scary. Of course, this may not apply to you, especially if all you want to do is to make some small adjustments to your wellbeing but if you are hoping to make changes that other people will notice too, then be aware that there may be a part of you that might just be afraid of your potential success.
FEAR OF BEING JUDGED, OR OF LOSING THE LOVE OF SOMEONE SPECIAL
It may sound obvious but change always brings with it new consequences, not all of which may be entirely welcome. Be aware that your new choices may well put the spotlight on the more unhealthy activities of your friends, family or colleagues which may be uncomfortable for them. They may even try to sabotage your success.
For example, if you lose a significant amount of weight this might set up resistance amongst other family members who may also feel pressurised to follow your example. The trick here is to be aware of these potential consequences well ahead of time so that you can plan to mitigate them. Being consciously aware of any potential judgements that may be coming your way will be a great help when it comes to working through them. So be sensitive about this and respect the comfort zones of the people around you as you move forward yourself. One day they may well see you as a role model, so don’t take your eye off your goal.
WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNT SO FAR?
Any teacher will tell you that it is a good thing to stop and review your progress from time to time and the same applies to coaching yourself too. So let me ask you a few important questions.
- Firstly what have you learnt so far from this book that will help you improve your health and wellbeing?
- And given what you have learnt, what is the next thing that you could do to either improve a specific aspect of your health or enhance your overall wellbeing?
- Would you be willing to do it?
I want to encourage you to make your self-coaching time a priority, even if that might also mean thinking about how you can make yourself more of a priority too. It needn’t take long and if you can make some improvements to the quality of your life then surely it’s worth it.
TIME TO CELEBRATE
By now you may already have some small achievements to celebrate, or perhaps even some major ones as you take steady focused steps towards your goal. Wherever you are in the process of change, it’s of tremendous importance that you take some time to acknowledge all that you have achieved and confirm your success by celebrating the change. This doesn’t have to be expensive but it does have to be meaningful.
Whatever you choose to do make sure that you hold in your mind your gratitude for what you have achieved so far. This is so important because as you do this, you are giving a strong and clear message to your subconscious mind that you have already achieved your goal, even and perhaps especially if that change is still ongoing. It reinforces your ‘template’ for success as well as giving you something to look forward to. Quite simply it fuels your motivation for enjoying even greater things to come and gives you the encouragement to keep going. Think about it, if you never allow yourself to stop and take stock of what you have achieved you will be denying yourself much of the satisfaction of achieving your goals.
So think about some of your successes so far, even the small ones and tell yourself, “well done”.
ACTIVITY: CELEBRATE YOUR ACHIEVEMENTS
Make a note of how and when you would like to celebrate your achievements, however small, or large they may be. Check to make sure that the way in which you have chosen to celebrate doesn’t in itself detract from your wellbeing (in other words, big boxes of chocolates don’t count) and then write a date in your diary to mark the time by which you intend to be ready to celebrate your goal or milestone.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?”